Gaslighting at Work: How to Spot the Signs and Prevent it

Some workplace issues are easy to spot, but gaslighting at work is not. It operates quietly, showing up in small contradictions, altered conversations, and remarks that make you question what you know to be true. One day you feel confident in your work; the next you’re unsure why you suddenly feel confused, overly reactive, or simply not yourself at the office. 

Gaslighting at work is a form of psychological abuse and harassment where a manipulator makes you doubt your perception, feelings, and even your sanity. It can look like being told you're too sensitive for raising a concern, being denied access to an email you were intentionally left off or being blamed for mistakes you never made. Whether it comes from a boss, a peer, or is rooted in organizational practices, gaslighting at work gradually chips away at your confidence, clarity, and performance. 

What makes gaslighting at work especially dangerous is how invisible it is in the beginning. It often starts small: a missed detail here, a contradiction there, a casual remark that makes you wonder if you misinterpreted something. But over time, these moments create confusion, dependency, and mistrust, all of which can severely damage your psychological safety and well-being. 

This blog will help you understand exactly what gaslighting at work looks like, how to recognize the red flags early, and how to protect yourself or your team from its impact. 

What is gaslighting at work? 

Gaslighting at work is a form of psychological manipulation where someone—in most cases a manager, colleague, or leader makes another employee question their own memory, perception, or reality. It’s a subtle but harmful behavior that can erode confidence, distort facts, and ultimately damage an employee’s emotional well-being and performance. 

In a workplace setting, gaslighting often shows up through behaviors like: 

• Denying conversations or agreements that clearly took place. 
• Shifting blame to make the other person feel at fault. 
• Undermining someone’s credibility in front of others. 
• Minimizing concerns or labeling them as “overreacting”. 
• Rewriting events to make the other person doubt themselves. 
• Withholding information and then criticizing the employee for not knowing something. 

Over time, the target of gaslighting may begin to feel confused, anxious, less confident, and dependent on the gaslighter for validation. It can lead to burnout, disengagement, and even push talented employees out of the organization. 

Gaslighting is a serious issue because it creates a toxic work environment, damages psychological safety, and undermines trust—key foundations of a healthy workplace. Recognizing it early is the first step to addressing and preventing it. 

Organizations can reduce these risks by creating strong feedback systems and psychological safety frameworks. Platforms like Xoxoday Empuls help HR teams listen to employees early and intervene before issues escalate. 

How to identify a gaslighter at work? 

A gaslighter at work can be hard to recognize because their manipulation is subtle. They may deny past conversations, twist facts, or claim you're “misremembering,” causing you to question your own judgment. They avoid accountability, give inconsistent information, and undermine your confidence through subtle criticism.  

Gaslighters may also withhold details or exclude you from key discussions. When confronted, they often become defensive or shift blame. Spotting these patterns early helps you protect your well-being and seek support. 

8 Signs of gaslighting at work 

Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward protecting your confidence and reclaiming control in the workplace. Once you can identify the patterns, you’re better equipped to trust your judgment, advocate for yourself, and seek support. Below are eight common signs of gaslighting at work to watch for: 

1. Withholding or omitting information 

If a manager or coworker repeatedly “forgets” to pass along important details or intentionally leaves you out of key conversations, it may signal gaslighting. Missing updates about deadlines, meetings, or expectations can make you appear unprepared and leave you questioning your own abilities. A good strategy is to acknowledge the missing information directly and begin confirming updates through additional channels. 

2. Creating a negative performance narrative 

Sometimes gaslighters try to shape a false narrative about your performance. They may undermine your skills, professionalism, or work ethic even when your results say otherwise. These claims often stem from personal bias rather than reality. Countering such narratives with data, documented achievements, and clear evidence helps you protect your professional reputation. 

3. Constantly changing expectations 

Healthy workplaces give employees clarity about their roles. Gaslighting can creep in when expectations shift suddenly and without explanation, making success almost impossible. If this happens, maintain consistent communication: ask for expectations in writing, request clarification, and check in regularly to ensure alignment. 

4. Dismissing or invalidating your feelings 

A hallmark of gaslighting is invalidation. If you express concerns—such as confusion about priorities—or share how a situation made you feel, a gaslighter may respond defensively, try to make you feel irrational, or imply you’re overreacting. Looping in HR or a neutral colleague for future discussions can help add transparency and accountability. 

5. Professional exclusion 

Being consistently overlooked for opportunities, recognition, or involvement—despite being qualified—is another subtle form of gaslighting. The explanations offered often point to fabricated shortcomings rather than legitimate reasons. Recognizing when exclusion stems from bias rather than performance can help you challenge the behavior more effectively. 

6. Uneven or unpredictable rule enforcement 

Gaslighting also shows up when workplace rules are applied inconsistently. For example, a manager may approve your time off but later reprimand you for taking it. Keeping written records—such as email confirmations, chat messages, or policy references—gives you documentation to protect yourself from shifting expectations. 

7. Blaming the victim 

In gaslighting situations, you may be blamed for the very mistreatment you’re experiencing. If you speak up about unfair exclusion or biased behavior and your manager turns the issue back on you, that’s victim blaming. Clearly stating what resolution you expect can help steer the conversation productively and reduce the opportunity for manipulation. 

8. Selective listening 

When someone repeatedly ignores what you say or later denies recalling important details, it can make you doubt your communication abilities. This selective listening is a common gaslighting tactic. Keeping written notes, sending follow-up emails, or documenting agreements creates a reliable paper trail that prevents others from rewriting the narrative later. 

Five tips to deal with gaslighting at work 

Gaslighting can slowly chip away at your confidence, clarity, and emotional well-being. The good news is that there are practical strategies you can use to protect yourself and regain control. Here are five actionable tips to help you navigate gaslighting at work: 

1. Try having an honest conversation 

When you feel safe enough, start with a direct but calm conversation. Explain how certain behaviors made you feel and share specific examples so the other person understands the situation clearly. Sometimes, what feels like gaslighting may stem from misunderstandings, stress, or poor communication rather than intentional manipulation. 

However, if the gaslighting is deliberate, do not expect an admission of fault. Even so, the conversation becomes part of your documented history and may help if you need to escalate the issue later. 

2. Stay calm and create some space 

Gaslighting often triggers strong emotions such as frustration, anger, anxiety, or fear. These reactions are natural, but reacting impulsively can work against you. Keeping your composure helps you stay grounded and prevents the gaslighter from using your emotional response against you. 

If emotions start to overwhelm you, step away. Take a walk, breathe deeply, or give yourself time before re-engaging. Techniques like mindful breathing or grounding exercises can help restore clarity and confidence. 

3. Document everything 

When someone distorts or denies reality, documentation becomes your strongest defense. Keep notes on dates, conversations, decisions, emails, and the people involved, especially in performance-related situations. This creates a factual timeline you can refer back to, making it harder for others to rewrite events. 

Avoid confronting the gaslighter alone if possible. Bring a neutral person into discussions and always record what happens. As workplace expert Vicki Salemi notes, even with evidence, a toxic environment may not change, so prioritize your well-being and consider opportunities elsewhere if the behavior persists. 

4. Build a support system 

Having someone trustworthy to talk to can help you stay grounded and see the situation more clearly. While coworkers may sympathize, office dynamics can complicate things, so choose confidants wisely. 

Human Resources is typically the safest escalation path. They may already be aware of similar issues or patterns and can offer guidance or mediation. No matter what, trust your feelings and do not minimize your own experience. A strong support network can validate your perspective and provide the reassurance you need. 

5. If you are the HR professional 

HR leaders play a crucial role in identifying and addressing gaslighting. You may not witness the behavior firsthand, but you can spot warning signs such as sudden drops in performance from previously strong employees, increased withdrawal, or noticeable anxiety around a particular manager. 

To support affected employees: 

• Learn common gaslighting behaviors to recognize them quickly. 
• Document concerning patterns or complaints thoroughly. 
• Listen carefully when employees share their experiences and look for repeated themes. 
• Consider organizational restructuring to limit a problematic manager's influence. 
• Privately help the impacted employee explore safer roles within the company. 

Additionally, HR can strengthen team culture through mental health training, trust-building workshops, and team-building initiatives, especially for remote or hybrid teams. 

Conclusion 

Gaslighting at work can quietly erode confidence, well-being, and trust, making it crucial for employees and HR teams to recognize the signs early. By staying aware, documenting incidents, and fostering open communication, organizations can create safer environments where people feel respected and supported. Addressing gaslighting is not only about protecting individuals but about strengthening the overall culture of the workplace. 

To support this, Xoxoday Empuls offers powerful tools that help organizations build healthier, more transparent work environments. With Empuls, you can: 

• Run confidential surveys to identify psychological safety risks early 
• Track employee sentiment and behavioral patterns with clear, actionable insights 
• Strengthen connection across teams through recognition and communication tools 
• Empower managers with data that helps them respond effectively and empathetically 
• Drive long-term cultural improvements with continuous feedback loops 

By combining awareness with the right systems, companies can prevent gaslighting, rebuild trust, and create workplaces where people feel valued and heard. Xoxoday Empuls helps make that transformation both structured and seamless.